Gottman Couples Therapy

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Deirdre Hayes

Gottman Couples Therapy – How well do you know your partner?

Research shows that to make a relationship last, couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future. A growing interest for people in relationships is how to maintain a healthy and supportive friendship with one’s partner. This is done, says John Gottman, a well known couples’ therapist in the U.S, by keeping your interest and knowledge of your partner alive. He suggests that using ‘Love Maps’ can help determine whether your relationship is still vibrant. If not, using this method can be an effective step in revitalising the relationship.

Gottman Therapy at MyMind

MyMind therapist Deirdre Hayes is a trained Gottman Couples therapist and uses Gottman methods in her work with couples.

“There are few gifts a couple can give each other greater than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood. Getting to know each other shouldn’t be a chore. That’s why the first Love Map exercise is actually a game!” said Deirdre

“While you are having fun playing, you’ll also be expanding and deepening your knowledge of each other. By the time you complete all the exercises, you’ll know that there’s truth in that old song, ‘To know you is to love you’”

For an accurate reading of how your relationship is doing on this first principle, Deirdre suggests that the couple should each complete the following:

Print out and read each statement, and circle T for True and F for false

  1. I can name my partner’s two closest friends T F
  2. I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing T F
  3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately T F
  4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams T F
  5. I am very familiar with my partner’s religious beliefs and ideas T F
  6. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life T F
  7. I can list the relatives my partner likes best T F
  8. I know my partner’s favourite music T F
  9. I can list my partner’s three favourite movies T F
  10. My partner is familiar with my current stresses T F
  11. I know the three most special times in my partners life T F
  12. I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to my partner as a child T F
  13. I can list my partner’s major aspirations and hopes in life T F
  14.  I can list my partner’s major current worries T F
  15. My spouse knows who my friends are T F
  16.  I know what my partner would want to do if they suddenly won the lottery T F
  17. I can tell you in details my first impressions of my partner T F
  18. Periodically I ask my partner about their world right now T F
  19.  I feel that my partner knows me pretty well T F
  20.  My partner is familiar with my hopes and aspirations T F

Count your scores

Score 1 point for each ‘True’ answer

10 or above: This is a strength for your partnership/marriage. You have a fairly detailed map for your spouse’s everyday life, hopes fears and dreams. You know what makes your partner “tick”. Based on your score you’ll probably find the love map exercises that follow easy and gratifying. Try not to take for granted this knowledge and understanding of each other. Keeping in touch in this way ensures you’ll be well equipped to handle any problem areas that crop up in your relationship.

Below 10: Your relationship could stand some improvement in this area. Perhaps you never had the time or the tools to really get to know each other, or perhaps your Love Maps have become outdated as your lives have changed over the years. In either case, by taking the time to learn more about your partner /spouse now you’ll find your relationship become stronger.

If you would like to book an appointment with Deirdre Hayes, you can book online here, call us at 076 680 1060 or email

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